I have a confession to make...

Hi, friends! I know it’s been a while since my last post. I’ve decided that maybe it’s best not to make promises regarding content or frequency of posts. The reason why is super personal, but I feel like I need to share. Hopefully my experience will resonate with someone and we can start a conversation.

I’ve mentioned before that I suffer from severe anxiety, and have since I was a kid.  More recently, however, I have experienced symptoms that are making me believe there may be more to it.  Mental health issues run in my family, and I have grown up with my dad suffering from severe depression with suicidal tendencies.  People I’ve known that have suffered from depression have all fit the same stereotypical profile: intensely sad over things that may seem insignificant to everyone else; can’t get out of bed to take care of their basic needs; and even having suicidal thoughts, feeling as though their loved ones would be better off without them.  I never thought there would be a time when I felt that I could count myself among them.

We’ve all seen one too many anti-depressant ads on television, where the actor lists “their” symptoms as losing interest in things they used to enjoy, and feeling hopeless. I never found those commercials relevant until the other day, when I realized I was experiencing that feeling.  I’ve posted before with fun projects I’ve done with coloring or making things for my little one. Lately, I’ve honestly lost the ambition and motivation to do anything fun or creative at all. Later that day, I had an article pop up on my FaceBook news feed about something called “high functioning” depression. I instantly opened it up and was taken aback by how accurately it described how I’ve

been feeling lately.

We might not look like this, but we definitely feel like this. 

                                                       

According to research I’ve done regarding the topic, “high functioning depression” pretty much means you would never know that the person is experiencing symptoms.  They look like they have it all together. They’re taking care of everyone and everything and being successful at their job. They're taking (at least decent) care of themselves and at least maintaining basic hygiene.  But on the inside or behind closed doors, they’re experiencing some of the same stereotypical depression symptoms. For example, I’ve been experiencing some of the following:

• Increased appetite- I legit find myself so hungry ALL THE TIME
• Low energy levels- even if I get 8+ hours of sleep, I’m exhausted
• Loss of interest in things I used to enjoy- I have so many awesome, creative ideas in my head, but I never have the ambition to start anything. 
• Difficulty focusing- I can never keep my mind on task, and I feel like either I’ve accomplished a ton or nothing at all. There’s no happy medium.

What I feel like EVERY DAY.

So there’s my confession, folks. I don’t want anyone’s pity, I’m just hoping to start a conversation. Mental health is a big deal, and it doesn’t look the same to everyone. Take some time to check in with yourself and your loved ones. If you find yourself feeling a little “off,” try and keep track of when you’re feeling that way and maybe what triggers those feelings so you can talk to your doctor about them. Lastly, if you’re finding yourself feeling hopeless and having suicidal thoughts, PLEASE GET HELP. As someone whose father was prone to suicidal episodes growing up, I can assure you, your loved ones will NEVER be better off without you. Whether or not you see it right now, someone knows your value and loves you dearly.

Much love, and until next time…